If you haven't broken a sweat since 6th-grade gym class, you're probably not athletic. Similarly, chances are you're not "just looking for friends" if you're cruising for an hour-long meetup. Most of us don't lie on purpose; it's just easier on the ego to try and anticipate what other guys want. It's not uncommon to try and read their minds and portray ourselves as things we're not.
But, we're most confident when we're direct and honest. It's better to be upfront, state exactly what you're looking for, and keep to exactly who you are. Expectations shouldn't be confused with confidence. Expectations are false hopes that often lead to disappointments.
Expectations on your way to a hook up can be a fiasco. You're not a fortune teller nor can you predict how things will go down, so why build it up? Avoid the regret by going into the situation with an open mind.
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This puts you in a better position to adjust to potential setbacks or successes. Go into it with the idea that you're there to have fun, not invite him to Thanksgiving or prom. Although hookups can be, rarely are they the basis of a long-term relationship. Even if you think the guy is the best thing ever, only the future will tell if the connection is lust or love. Hey, would you give a stranger the keys to your car and tell him to do what he wants with it, just bring it back whenever he's finished?
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Not a chance! Odds are you'd laugh out loud at the idea of risking your insurance premium, your transportation and any other consequences for someone you just met.
So why take the chance with sex? At least you can get another car if something went wrong, but our bodies are ours until the lease expires. Ask him if he hooks up frequently or if he's into barebacking. Take condoms with you and see if he has some of his own. A little reverse psych works here, too. Ask if he likes it raw. It's crude but gets to the point.
Gaining confidence will take time; don't expect it to happen overnight. But, the more you stick with it, the more likely it is that you'll become a confident person. You have to act with confidence as well.
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It's a common opinion that people find confidence attractive. Go to a place where you can meet gay men. While it is possible to meet gay men at any old bar, you'll have more luck if you go to a gay bar. Not every guy in the place will be gay, but the numbers are in your favor.
- The Hookup Manual: Do's and Don'ts.
- 20 Same-Sex Hookup Stories From Straight Guys.
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If you want to go to a bunch of different clubs in an evening, feel free to do so. The world is a more progressive place, but be careful.
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Some guys may not appreciate if you question their sexuality. Approach guys that interest you. You might have to approach a lot of men to get a response. If you want to meet guys, you have to put yourself out there. You don't have to approach a man every time you go out. Make sure you're in the mood to flirt and be flirted with. Don't hit on every single guy you find attractive.
You'll come across as disingenuous, and it may hurt your chances of meeting someone. Skip the pick up lines. Start with a simple "hello," or even a smile. Using a pick up line is bound to get you ignored, or worse, laughed at. This doesn't mean cracking jokes or spouting off a witty one-liner is out of the question. Quite the contrary: Be friendly. Once you've approached your guy, just start talking.
Try to let the conversation happen flow naturally and just keep it simple. Don't try too hard to seduce him. Don't play games.
If you like the guy you're talking to, then let him know you're into him. Talk about shared experiences. If you're dancing at a club, talk about other places you like to go dancing. Invite him along. Keep the conversation fun and easy. While it's good to ask questions, don't interrogate him. Let the conversation happen naturally. Make sure he likes you. You don't have to come right out and ask him. Pay attention to his body language.
If he's following your body with his, and maintaining eye contact, it's pretty clear he likes you. If he doesn't look distracted and isn't trying to find ways to get away from you, assume he's interested. Ask for his number. Be simple and direct.
No need to dance around the topic or make a big deal about it. Ask him out for coffee, ask him to go dancing. Just make sure you keep talking once you have his number so you don't give him the wrong impression. That's okay. Everyone encounters rejection. Don't let it scare you away. Follow up with him.